Chinese New Year Retort

It's almost Chinese New Year now and somehow I still do not feel like it is other than getting a long break from the holdrum of work.

The other day a colleague asked me if I celebrate Chinese New Year and it is coming from a Chinese dude. I have to admit I was rather surprised that he would ask me that reason being he is Chinese and presumingly he should know his culture.

The misconception a lot of people have about Chinese New Year (even to some Chinese) is that they view it as something religious like Deepavali, Christmas or even the Hanukkah. They think that because one is Christian, Chinese New Year is not something to be celebrated amongst our own Chinese kinfolk.

Yes, it is rather different from the Indians. Those who has converted to Christianity do not celebrate the Festival of Lights simply because it is a religious occasion. Whereas for a Chinese Christian, Muslim or Jew (if there is such a convert) do celebrate this joyous occasion as it is the Chinese culture. We are Chinese hence Chinese New Year is indeed a celebration to mark the beginning of the new year in the Chinese calendar. in fact I have attended a inter racial marriage where one is Chinese and the other is Malay but they still observe Hari Raya and Chinese New Year celebration.

On a different note, this year, I have a feeling I am going to be asked once again when I am tying the knot. Relatives, friends (who are about or already married with kids in tow) will bombard me with that “Oh! Why are you not married? What are you waiting for? You're not as young as you think anymore you know” kinda question.

I remembered about 4 years ago, or slightly more (I was younger and single then) my uncle could not stop hassling me about showing them my boyfriend(s) and about the subject as to when I am going to tie the knot. I was being polite then and told him rather politely that I have no intentions yet to marry and rather enjoyed staying at home being the spinster that I am. And he insisted that I was pulling his leg and how impossible that I am not attached, yada-yada-yada. I knew this dude is not going to stop yapping (and trust me, he was rather tipsy and the decible of his voice got louder and louder and I swear that the next neighbour five houses away could hear our conversation). I said, "Uncle, come here let me tell you a little secret"... Thank heavens, that stopped him yapping for a while. He looked interested like as if I am telling him the secret of my life. Anyway, I summoned him over and whispered to him, "Dont' tell anyone...I am not interested in men, I actually do fancy females".

Dear heaven, you could have seen the look on his face. It was like as if someone punched him on the face (must as well) and he was totally dumbfounded. To add more drama to my confession, I also mentioned casually that I am dating one at present.

Without a word he gave me a sheepish grin and he walked away.

That did the trick. He did not bug me after that.

So this year I reckon I can't use that line anymore. I have to find a better one. This is one that is rather effective but downright rude.... Actually this was told to me by another friend.

Pat Poh / Pat Kong : Hey this year is your last year to receive ang pau ar, next year I expect to see you giving some. (It usually comes with that *wink* like you know what I mean)

Me : (Said nothing and just smile - still trying to be very polite as for now)

Pat poh /Pat Kong : Eh, you are not young anymore lo, see, even (then they will name some distant relative who is about the same age or younger) is married and is expecting their second (third or a dozen) child. You have to think about your biological clock and its ticking away. (And they will go on about how the female reproductive system works - Suddenly becoming an expert in child bearing).

Me : (In screen saver mode).Still smiling but my mind is drifting away since I've heard this a million times before to a point I almost knew what they are going to say next.

Pat Poh / Pat Kong : (Finally finished yapping away and looking at me expectedly waiting for a reply). So... When lah?

Me : When you leave me a will. (Have to smile very sweetly in case they are willing to) Then I will be able to afford to throw a lavish wedding and of course you will be invited as the guest of honour. (And proceed to walk away)


There you go. I think I am just about to do that. At least that will keep them quiet till next year when I can think up of a better line.