I Never Write

I was looking at my screen while eating my curry puffs (as a matter of fact curry puffs I realized are actually quite healthy) and as usual reading other people's blogs and see what they have got to say on an otherwise very monotonous Tuesday working morning. Here I go again, it's my knack to make use of company's resources and harp on inconsequential things once again.

It made me thinking, is blogging the next big thing? Is it the new black as Tom Ford of Gucci used to say (or was it Prada, eh, I think it was that bloke in Petaling Street trying to sell me fake Gucci watches). Anyway, Blogging has become so common these days that everyone wants to have a go on it. I do. But the only thing is I can't seem to find anything interesting enough to write.

I'd much prefer to click on my bookmark tab and go at random on reading other people's blog instead of writing one on my own.

Yeah I am that selfish.

My pal Kenny Ng and Donny got a hang outta writing and they got hooked on blogging. I would see them writing at least something without fail everyday. While me, being the one who promoted blogging, writing, putting your thoughts down and all the other hoodlums would eventually just slither away preferring to read their blogs instead of writing one on my own. So much for promoting blogs and setting an example. Oh well, what the heck. But I am glad to see them being all enthusiastic and dedicated with their writing.

I on the other hand, gosh, I'd used to have a page called the Quack Page. Yeah I had this notion of thinking that I'd have a lot to say, but it turned out otherwise. When I open a page to write something (like for instance this one) my mind just turned putty. Or I am just to distract running around like a monkey. So I've decided since I'll be quacking elsewhere other than the PC, I'd rename it to the Lazy Blogger instead.

Yeah I am not just selfish but lazy as well.

I can't decide to write something funny, something serious or just retelling a scenario. Even when I've got something to say, my fingers would just not cooperate with my brain matter. So I've long decided to let that pass too.

But to those who have developed a knack of writing and getting regular readership from people, I have got great respect for all of you for that is something that I could not do for I find even the simplest task of lifting my fingers to type something is an arduous task.

So instead of babbling, I think I'll just save this post and do my quacking elsewhere. Eh did I just see the tea lady walking past.... "Eh Leeta, wait a minute, so as you were saying about your boyfriend the other day..."

Ok gotta go…

See... I can never sit still.

Cute As A Button

Oh I am so cute! Arrgh!

Just those terms irritates the hell outta me! How can a 29 year old still be cute? It’s totally absurd.

How do you define cute?

To most, it would mean it's size and that certain outlook. But why do some coin button as cute? What is so cute about a a device that is fastened on your clothes anyway?) Yeah buttons are small and tiny. So I guess you can link cuteness in it. Afterall most people preceive cuteness as something small and petite often round. (Ok I added the round part there to justify the shape of buttons). But to generalise all buttons as being cute is literally not correct too for I have seen some really ugly buttons but that is totally irrevelent to what I am writing today so I'll let it pass.

Can someone please tell me what's the first thing that comes to your mind when someone mention the word 'cute'? To most, it would mean it's size and that certain outlook.
But why do some coin button as cute? What is so cute about a a device that is fastened on your clothes anyway?)

According to Oxford Dictionary cute means: - ugly but adorable.

Yuck! I have a distinct impression that they are trying to coin cuteness with gremlins. Gremlins as we all know are cute cuddly creatures that look like a Pekingese before transforming into some hideous freak when comes in contact with water.

I’ve got an issue since the beginning of time. I am rather small (ok very small) in built and short and well lets’ say that most people who has met me would actually say that I look younger than my actual age. But does that make me cute?

Anyway, I've been coined as cute practically all my life. When I was a kid right up to now i have always known to be cute... Except for the brief moment in my adolecent years where I am also known as Her Royal Geek-ness but that's ok too for it was cool to be known as the intellectual then.

Ok back to the story... I remembered vividly when I was about 18 some friends of my mom came to visit. I had some college mates over too at the same time. Mom was upstairs and I had to open the door for her guest. Guess what they did? They took turns pinching my cheek (and there were all 4 grown women all together) and exclaimed “Ooooh, you are so cute….” And you don’t want to imagine the look on my mates faces.

They still torture me till this date.

The nerve-!

Their kids wil pay for it later... Or how I’d get heaps of fuzzy teddies and furry animals on my Birthday ( I still love you all who gave me that, afterall it's the thought that counts). But I don’t mind a couple of g-strings or so (no actually a cash voucher of RM1000 or an airplane ticket would be ideal ~ hint hint :P ), but teddy bears?

What for? I don’t have a child yet and even if I do by the time they are old enough to play with the toys their mother left them it’ll all be moth eaten. Ok back to the story…

Gosh just because I am small and don’t look my age it doesn’t make me look like a complete puppy. Puppies and kittens on the other had are cute. A baby is cute. But not a freaking 29 year old who is old enough to be someone’s mother! No…You do not term a person as cute when they are about to reach their 30s.

Gulp… Even my own man calls me cute and every time that happens I cringe.

Am I angry…?

I don’t' know... Perhaps you could bring me to the GP and have my blood pressure checked and then they'll be able to give you a more accurate reading. I guess if I am waiting for a compliment it would be gorgeous, hot or I don’t even mind beautiful.

But cute?!!!!

What the heck is cute?

It’s supposedly to be ACUTE ~ adj. an apethic (pathetic is more like it) form of acute. Or rather there is another one, cute means dainty or quaintly pleasing.

Gosh give me a break.

(Ok I am not angry, halfway gritting my teeth) It’s like having someone lift you up and so conveniently toggle you down again. At least Oxford is being more direct and less hypocritical. But...But...I don’t want to be cute (big eyes tearing with pouting lips).

Cute is ok when I you are 3. Not when you are in your LATE 20’s! Yes I’ve got an issue with that and I am aware that some of the people out there would give anything to be cute.

Trust me, guys are suckers for cute chicks. But think of it this way, would you still look cute when you are 80 and all wrinkly? Gosh I’ll be damn if a bloke would actually come up to me and tell me that I am still cute when I am 80. I reckon I’d most probably whacked him with my dentures and call him a pervert or something or I’ll bring him to the nearest optometrist and have his eyes checked or better still have him donate his perfectly good cornea to the blind.

The definition of cuteness has digressed beyond the norm. There is cute in attitude, cute in looks cute in basically any damn thing that is under the moon. Even a cow can be cute. It's all so overrated.

So instead I strongly suggest for gals out there who are trying to look cute even though you are not, I recommend you to think twice. Those who try or are still trying very hard to open their eyes wide to look helpless please I beg you to rethink because most people would just perceive you as either a weakling and who needs help or a retard who has lose eye sockets.
Some might disagree. After all which men out there would not actually jump to the slightest chance to help a damsel in distress?

Ooh I don' t know, you tell me. But for now, I am going to rouge my cheeks and put on a pouty quivering lips and walk down the streets like some Japanese (no pun intended - really) school girl and try to look all pure and innocent. But first, where the heck is my tartan chequered miniskirt. Damn.

Dream On...

I've got to stop taking irrelevant quizzes while at work. After all, they company do not and I repeat do not pay me to write silly articles for my own reading pleasure. I am supposed to visually entice my clients for their visual pleasure (*wink it's not what you think, though if I have the asset I might just as well…)

Kidding :)

For those who doesn't actually know what I do for a living, you can go figure or call me at 012******** for a good time… (I said enough already, no more naughty thoughts)

Ok I really have to stop digressing. If I do it one more time can someone please take a spatula and slap me silly? And I mean it. On second thought maybe not… After all you still need that spatula while you cook. So instead, can you please cook me something nice with that spatula and then hire a couple of Italian men (No I prefer Nordic men - Jude Law looking would be ok by me) to feed me? At least I'll die a happy (mad) woman if the cooking sucks... >_<

See I did it again. Rattling here like a mad woman with one cigarette on my left hand while trying to make out something intelligent. Unfortunately here is how my brains function... On Monday till Wednesday my mind is actually still stuck on the previous weekend. On Thursday I am actually doing something productive or at least I try and by Friday my mind is totally off work for I am thinking of what to do on the coming weekend.

Gosh…

If the company pays me to daydream, I'll be promoted the Vice President by now.

Hmm…

Perhaps working in the food industry (my current job) is not such a good thing since I realized my ultimate talent is to dream and daydream, I must well work for a job in Dreamland Mattresses.

Why?

First of all, they could put me in the R&D Department (R&D=Research & Development. In my case it's Relax & Dream).

My job?
I am paid to sleep. Yes you got that right. They pay me to sleep. As the name depicts, it's Dreamland! How would others know if the product is good if Dreamland does not have their own personal R&D department to make sure all their mattresses comply with its standards?
See that is why I am perfect for this job. They can never find another person so suitable to do the job.

I've also done a bit of research on their products.
Here are a few:

Sleepmaker - (sounds like what the American Indians would call their kids, Dreamwalker, Sleepover, Wind Sleeper...Gosh)
Luxuriance - (I like this one, makes me wonder if Sleeping Beauty did actually slept on one of these)
Aristocrat - (Your majesty, would you like to have some tea with scones? So British)
Chiropractic Series - (Hmmm ...Why do I have the impression that they are jabbing on my age)
Inner Spring - (kinky…*wicked grin)
Kids Series - (How lucky can kids get these days)
Foam, Fibre and Latex - (hmm…. Latex?)

The rest I noticed are just mattress with different fancy names. I reckon they are made with the same thing only giving it a different name. Like you make a sandwich you name it Tasty Tuna, Savoury Tuna, Tuna Extra and so on so forth. Heck! Its still tuna isn't it? Plus it still comes from the same freaking sea! So what difference does it make? (I just had sandwich for lunch so thought about adding this in for the ummph factor but honestly I am digressing again).

It's all made of rubber, foam and some other fibre (not to be confused with your daily breakfast cereal). I figured after a while of typing and looking around my colleagues, I think many people are actually eligible for this job. (Don't ask me why, you go back to your office and take a look around you after lunch and you'll know why).

Everyone's a natural Dreamland employee by then. So to stand out, I have another quality they do not have. (Hard Selling this time, my potential job is at stake)On my previous paragraph I did mention that it's all made out of the same material if not similar and that to be honest I don't care and neither do many of it's customers who are as dense as me but that also is besides the point. Did you notice the size? It's like wearing a T-shirt. No one complains that a T-Shirt is too big for you only when it's too small.

Here is where I come in…

Refer to product no#6 -Kids Series. (For some of you out there, who are trying to steal my potential job, think again)I bet you can't fit into the kid's series. But I can :P For once being short and small does have its advantages. I can fit into the biggest bed and the smallest there is for most of you out there who is now halfway trying to call Dreamland for your dream job you can put the receiver down. You can't fit into the Kids Series bed while I can. Sorry to break your heart dah-lings but that job is still mine. Muahahahaha.

Gosh this is heaven. This is better than dreaming about Italian guys feeding me grapes! Yoo Hoo…Ok behave… People are reading this… (If anyone is reading it at all at this point for they might actually be sleeping after reading the second lines of my inconsequential ramblings)God forbid (See I am also religious),

Drool, drool… Just thinking about it makes me want to hand in my resignation and head over to Dreamland Inc. to beg for a job. My selling point, I am dedicated, I work independently and I love my job so much I don't even mind putting in the extra hours. Ok let's say if I am hired (hallelujah!) ~

My work desk consists of a mattress. How cool is that… I don't even require a chair. I shall name it my matstation as oppose to workstation. I'll replace PCs and keyboards with pillows and comforters. Lunch breaks are not required for I'll be working so hard that I'll not even think about eating. I am more than willing to work for full 8 hours with no lunch break. I do not complain nor make any noise while at work. They don't have to worry about me making outgoing personal calls or take extra hours of lunch break (refer top). The only break I need I guess is that occasional toilet break (hey… everyone needs to relieve themselves once in a while even when they are sleeping ok?).

There are other reasons too why Dreamland should hire me other than the few obvious reasons. But of course now since I know I have such great potential to work for companies of these nature, I could start sending in my resumes not only to Dreamland, but there is Slumberland, King Koil, Sealy (not to be mistaken with Silly or Seal or anything of that sort) and others out there who will be dying to take me into their corporation.

Because of my immense talent I'll have the option to choose and reject which ever company I wish to join. And hopefully by then Dreamland might offer me even more benefits (other than monetary, although that would be most ideal - but we shall go to that on the next chapter) like futon and Egyptian cotton beddings and comforters lined with peacock feathers (huh?!!)
Ok my imagination's running overtime again. Time to smack myself silly and haul myself back to reality.

Sigh…

But that was a good thought! ^V^

well hung

Ok maybe the title wasn't as enticing as i thought. In fact it sounded kinda tacky, but hey who cares? It's my blog and i could write whatever i want to. The only problem now is, what in heavens am i going to write about?

Before opening this page i was thinking in line of writing something intelligent. Like a make beleive writer in search of some inspiration. Heck, and after gulping down my very huge mug of Nescafe and some crackers i am still stuck sitting here trying to compose something that i think people would gush and conclude my peice of write up as something that would win the Pulitzer Prize. Haha! Fat chance! I'd be lucky if i could muster enough vocab to fill up this page.

I didn't really want to stop writing after my first attempt. Ok topic topic, I am totally clueless whenever i am forced to write something and with no further adieu i will or this will go on forever until next year.

Every time i try to write something important out of all the other important topics in the world i noticed how my darn PC just stops functioning and i have to reboot. Trust me, rebooting your PC can be stressful, reason being, you literally have to lift your fingers up stop whatever you are doing, bend down while pointing your fingers to a 45 degrees angle and press the mini button at the bottom of your CPU. See that itself will save you RM155 for gym memberships. Why? Hey, that itself burns calories.

How?

First, when you realised that your PC hangs on you, your heart skips a beat. That is cardio. the as you lift your fingers up and attempt to bend down to push the button, and that itself you'd be doing push ups but because instead of using 2 hands to support your body, you'll be using only your index finger while the other hand would be hanging on to the table trying to balance your entire body. And while you're trying to locate that mini reboot button, you realised it isn't situated at the place you thought it would be. Hence you have to force yourself to get up and locate it. Nah... Too much work and effort.

I for one is a self proclaimed lazy bum. I worsip the guy who invented the remote control. I think he's (no gender related since i don't know who actually invented it) god gift. If only there is a remote control for laundry, clothes folding, washing the toilet or doing other chores by just a click of a button, do let me know. I'll be the first one to get em. That is if I could afford the price tag. Even if I can't I'll most probably rob the bank and get the dough to get that darn remote control.

Ok, the coffee is taking effect on my brains now. I don't even know what i am talking about let alone touch on the title i've so proudly and tackily named. So please don't ask me what relation it has to do with this piece of stuff you are reading as to the title.

All i know now is that if i could type all these lying down i would do it in a jiffy.

The joy of being Quirky...

Quirky?


Ok it's almost 9.30pm now on a rather unexciting Thursday evening. I am sitting here right in front of my computer trying to surf for cheap hotel rooms for my upcoming trip and at the same time trying to finish up my freelance job that has been lying around for the longest time. Though I am looking forward to the long awaited holiday I wasn't really in the mood to surf for hotel rooms. Firstly, when you are traveling on a budget, budget hotel rooms do not really appeal you. Hence your inner voice would tell you to click on something more appealing that you'll know you can't afford... So yeah, researching for cheap budget hotel rooms are no easy task. In fact it's downright depressing. So to make myself feel a little better, I went on completing my freelance... With the consolation that at least I am doing something productive.

Wrong!

The moment I opened the art files, I let out the most humongous yawn ever in the face of humankind and seriously I am not joking. If I have a measuring tape it'll stretch from the Atlantic Sea right up to the South China Sea.
My next attempt is to check my friendster account to see if anyone is nice enough to drop me a message. Darn, nothing. Went on looking at other people's profile and continued doing that for several times till I let out another whale of a yawn. (Literally speaking) while Carol King is singing "Natural Woman" over the radio.

This made me have a go to write something about an article I read not too long ago... (Gosh finally I am getting to the point why this thing is being written)... "You make me feel; you make me feel like a natural woman..." I could hear Ms King crooning way back there. Wow, what a song. Don't get me wrong, I am no power Oprah nor am I Hillary Clinton. In fact I am far from those two icons.

Ok pull me back please... This thing can go on forever if I don't get to my point...
The article (yes finally finally am getting somewhere) that I read is called "Quirky Alone". For those who know me for a while now know that I've been single since the Jurassic period... Why? Don't ask me... I was trying to figure that out myself for the longest time.
At one point I asked myself, if there is something really wrong with me... But of course, my main worry is not about not being able to get a man... It more of a case as to why am I am not interested in getting one. (Ok, some of you might conclude, oh yeah same case scenario, she's a closet case). Gosh, I love men. In fact I adore them. But to be committed to one is as good as asking me to bungee jump without a string attached. It's suicidal.
No way.

Then this article came along written by SASHA CAGEN, titled "Quirky Alone". Some might ask, what in the name of god is she babbling about this time... Ok let me explain...

Definition of Quirky -
Quirkyalone: noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple.

That statement itself hit me like a rock. This is exactly like me. It was as if Sasha herself was talking to me. It was the answer to my prayers (ok I am not religious but thought it'll add bulk to my statement). And to add bulk to the article they even come with a quiz of some sort to determine if you're really a quirky alone and I scored 98%.
So that precedes me to reading further what all this quirky business is all about... I shall not dwell further on this, for those who are interested to know more you can log in to www.quirkyalone.net to actually know what i am ratlling about.
Ok back to the quirky business... I was so excited that I forwarded the article to Donny my buddy just to prove my point and threatened him to agree that I am indeed a Quirky Alone.
Poor chap.

I ended up spending the entire day (while still at work using the company resources, its air condition, a cuppa Nescafe and internet connection) surfing for more information on my new discovery. And for once in a very long time I felt like I am really doing something exciting at work. But of course it was totally un-work related.
But that's ok too.

The more I read the more unconsciously nodding my head like the springy doggies where you stick at your dashboard. And I thought being quirky is weird.
In fact after going through the whole in depth list of quirkiness, I am proud to announce that I am quirky. The only difference is, I am no longer a QuirkyAlone but to add to another addition, I am a "Quirky Together" now...
And I am glad. :)

Quirky together: The state of being that results when a quirky alone enters a long-term romantic relationship.